Listen, going vegan isn’t for everyone. And we’re concerned with all of you out there. So, for those of you currently considering making the switch, we wanted to include 8 points to consider beforehand. If you catch yourself nodding yes to even 1 of these 8 points, steer clear of a vegan diet.
1. You love animal cruelty. If hiring someone to confine an animal in a cage so small he can barely move, and ripping his testicles out without painkillers sounds like fun to you then you should not go vegan.
2. You hate the environment. According to the UN, raising and killing animals for food is the number 1 cause of greenhouse gas emissions. And it is “one of the top 2 or 3 most significant contributors to the most serious environmental problems, at every scale from local to global.”
So for all you people out there who hate the environment, the most effective choice you can make when it comes to destroying the environment is to consume meat, dairy, and eggs.
3. You’re a lion. Are you a lion? Do you salivate as you chase your prey, catch it with your mouth, and proceed to rip the prey open with your teeth, then begin eating into its flesh on the spot? If so, you probably are incapable of going vegan.
4. You don’t want to end world hunger. It takes up to 13 pounds of grain to produce 1 pound of meat. Pretend there is a starving child next to you and you’re holding a plate of 13 pounds of spaghetti.
Now pretend that you eat 1 pound of it, then take the other 12 pounds and dump it in the trash. If you think that sounds like loads of fun, then you should not go vegan.
5. You own a factory farm or slaughterhouse. Let’s be serious here. If you own a factory farm or slaughterhouse you have a financial interest in the general public consuming your animals.
So you are going to have a hard time accepting that the way you make your money is by doing something that shocks and horrifies most Americans.
6. You think might makes right. Every now and then there comes along someone who thinks it’s morally ok to abuse someone else just because they can. If this is you, then you and vegan are just not going to be a good fit.
7. You’re a baby cow. Cows only produce milk after pregnancy. Why? To rapidly turn that tiny calf into a massive adult bovine weighing in at up to 1,500 pounds.
So if your goal is to eventually turn into a massive adult bovine, keep drinking that cows milk. [Tweet “So if your goal is to eventually turn into a massive adult bovine, keep drinking that cows milk.”]
8. You’re sadistic. Do you take pleasure in causing others to suffer? You’re in luck! Consuming animal products is one of the easiest ways to do just that.
Thank you for bearing with our compulsion to put our tongues in our cheeks. While we do hope this gave you some quality giggles, there is a point. The fact is, while you may not be vegan, your values probably are.
Most people are opposed to animal cruelty, don’t want to destroy the environment, are not lions, do want to end world hunger, don’t own a factory farm or slaughterhouse, are not bullies, are not baby cows, and are not sadistic. And since your values are already that of a vegan, why not take a step toward a vegan diet?
We both recommend getting started by taking the Meatless Monday pledge. That way you ease into it and are able to experiment with new foods.